Disjointed
by BleedingThornsOfARedRose
Summary: Back in Point Place for Spring Break, Donna has some problems with Eric and home.
1. Disconnected

Author's Note: This is a story I wrote in little pieces during stages of writer's block as an attempt to get things going again. I don't know how well the characters are in characters (probably not at all), and I don't know if this is in fact interesting as it is in fact a bit slow in the first few chapters. It's also short, but you can tell that—I posted it all at once. Hopefully, it's not too boring. Also, please forgive me if there are any errors regarding tense—I began the story in past tense and switched to present about halfway through, went back and changed everything to present, and tried to make sure it read right. _Warnings_: Drug and alcohol use and mentioned sexual situations. Donna/Eric, Donna/Hyde (friendship!), a little Hyde/Jackie and Jackie/Fez. March 1980, Spring Break. PS: This -::-::- means 'time lapse' and this -:-:- means PoV change.

* * *

SATURDAY

Spring break. A time when people go out, get wild and drunk and do things that they enjoyed but will regret come next Monday.

But not Donna. Donna is sitting on the bus, pretending to read, and wondering if going back to Point Place is a good idea. Her friends are there and the Formans are there, and that means Eric is there, and she isn't really prepared to deal with him.

During the weekends she came home, they were rarely alone. Someone was always in the basement with them and they ate dinner with Red and Kitty. It was only late at night, when they snuck into each other's bedrooms, that they were alone. And during that time, they never spoke. They didn't know what to say. There was a glass wall between them, problems they needed to fix but couldn't verbalise, issues that couldn't be resolved simply because they didn't know exactly what the issue was.

But spring break would be different. Red would be enjoying retirement and everyone else would be working, so for five days, at least for eight hours a day, she'd be alone with him.

The thought makes her sick. It's not that she doesn't want to make up with Eric—she does, more than anything—but she knows what it would take. Accusations and screaming and admittances and tears and maybe some truths that wouldn't be at all to their liking. She knows it would take longer than this week to build up the relationship they'd ignored the past couple months since their love had become sex.

Two hours later, she's getting off the bus, tired of the movement and the people and the heat, and walking slowly outside, careful to take her time, not wanting to see who's waiting to pick her up. But within minutes, the heat makes her feel dizzy and sick, and she pushes her way through the crowds and emerged outside, comfortable in the chilly breeze.

She walks around for a moment, looking for someone familiar, when she catches sight of just the car she's looking for.

The Camino. Mrs. Forman had sent Hyde to pick her up. Donna breaths a sigh of relief. Hyde isn't going to question her about anything. Hyde probably won't talk to her that much. There would be a few more minutes of peace.

She taps on the window and gets in. Hyde doesn't say anything, just nods in acknowledgement and waited for her to adjust her bag on her lap before pulling out. When they are back on the road, he only asks her how school was and she says it's fine and they leave it at that. Neither one is in the mood to talk.

Led Zeppelin is playing in the background but she isn't really paying attention to it. They are fast approaching the Formans' house, and she suddenly wishes that this town is a lot bigger just so she could have a few more moments in Hyde's silent company. But they're there, Mrs. Forman hugging her tightly, Mr. Forman scowling, Eric sitting quietly at the kitchen, looking every bit as unsure as she feels. Sometime during the exchange, Mrs. Forman had asked Hyde to take her bag up to Laurie's room, and he's back, sitting at the table with a beer.

Lunch time, Donna realises. She doesn't feel hungry; in fact, she feels downright nauseous, but it's noon and she's been up since six and hadn't eaten anything but a doughnut. She sits down at the table, giving Eric a small kiss on the cheek, not know what else to do or say to him, and waits as Mrs. Forman sets sandwiches and chips down, talking excitedly all the while.

After a while of this, Hyde decides it's time to go back to work, lest Leo and Fez screw things up badly in his absence. Donna wishes him back—for once, his silence will be welcome and his presence as a buffer helpful. He hasn't once made fun of them since Eric returned, but he hasn't suggested they get back together either, like everyone else had.

When the attention and the questions begin to give her a headache, she excuses herself, claiming drowsiness, and heads up to Laurie's room. There's a little brown bag on the desk and Donna wonders where it came from when the logical conclusion hits. Mrs. Forman had said she cleaned her daughter's room that morning, and the only person that was up here was Hyde.

She supposes he sees more than he let on. She reminds herself to thank him.

After a hot shower, she tries to read, but she's feeling very drowsy and she crawls under the covers, anxious to put off her alone time with Eric.

When she wakes again, dusk is coming through the window, and she stumbles into the bathroom, trying to adjust to the light. Splashing some cold water on her face, she looks at herself in the mirror.

Good God, she looks terrible. There are bags under her eyes and her face is pale and drawn. She leans against the sink with trembling arms. She doesn't want to go downstairs like this. Just then, Mrs. Forman knocks on the door, asking her if she was okay, and Donna quickly crawls back into bed, feigning sleep. Mrs. Forman peeks in the room and apparently decides to let her sleep, for the door shuts quietly a few seconds later.

It's almost eleven when Donna gets up again. She hasn't slept but rather stared at the clock, watching the minutes tick by, but by now, she's feeling a little less nervous and a little more hungry. She wanders downstairs and makes herself a sandwich, sneaking one of Red's beers.

"Oh, hey man." Hyde comes through the glass door and takes one of the beers and sits down next to her.

"Thanks for the stash." She doesn't know what else to say.

"Looked like you needed it."

"I could use some company."

Fifteen minutes later, they are sitting on the couch in the basement, passing a joint back and forth, eating chips and drinking beer. It's comfortable and familiar—Hyde drones on and on about the car that ran on water and his conspiracy theories. For once, she lets him ramble, thankful to avoid speaking herself. When the joint's gone, they sit in silence for a while, staring blankly at the television screen, not registering that it's off.

Finally, coming down some from their high, they head off to bed.

* * *

Donna doesn't get up until noon that day. She blasts herself with cold water to wake up and puts on some make-up so she looks alive again, and heads downstairs. Mrs. Forman has made a stew and is ladling it into bowls as she enters the kitchen. Hyde's the only one at the table. She sits down next to him and they're both handed stew and bread. Mrs. Forman asks Donna if she's feeling better, and no one says anything for the longest time afterwards.

Eventually, Donna leaves to take a walk. She ends up outside of Grooves, wondering who's there; she doubts Hyde would leave Leo to run the store again. She peeks in.

Randy.

She had thought Randy had left the store, but obviously that isn't true. She wonders if she should go in and talk to him or if that will be too awkward. It takes only second to decide—she moves away before he sees her. She doesn't have anything to say to him. She had been lonely and he had been the only person she didn't know that well. Hyde's almost a brother, Fez is a best friend. The lines were drawn in the sand, and she had no desire to cross them.

She circles around town for a while. She visits Fez at the salon and Jackie at her new job at the mall. She stops by the radio station and says hello. They put her on the air for a few minutes and ask her if she'd deejay for them on Friday as a guest. Then she gets a soda at the Hub and goes to stare at the faded pot leaf on the water tower.

It occurs to her that she's too detached from Point Place. Everything seems like a distant memory, too many years and too many trials ago that she can't connect. It seems like forever since they painted the leaf, forever since Fez shampooed her hair, since she got her job. It seems like ages since she left, yet it's not even three months. She isn't sure Point Place felt like home anymore.

What does that mean? Madison isn't her home. Point Place isn't her home. Eric isn't home, not now. Should she move to Florida with her dad? Would she be at home with him?

Donna runs into Kelso as she wanders home. He's come back from Chicago for the week so the gang will all be together. She climbs into his convertible. He tries to talk to her but she isn't listening, isn't in the mood to learn about whatever "new" or "awesome" invention he'd come up with, so he tries to grope her instead.

He manages a feel mainly because she isn't paying attention. She's staring out, watching the scenery go by—the Vineyard, Mount Hump, the church—and trying to figure out why it feels like she just stepped into a different person's shoes. It's like she reading a story one minute than playing the character the next. She knows these people, these places, but their meaning is completely different now.

It's past three when Kelso and Donna go down to the basement. Jackie has gotten off her shift and is sitting with Hyde, the tension thick and impenetrable. Donna sits on the lawn chair and stares at the TV, not registering anything.

Dinner comes and goes and Eric never appears. Part of her worries and part of her is relieved. By midnight, she finds herself sitting in the basement, unable to sleep. Hyde comes through the basement door after a while and silently, he walks to his room and comes back, joining her on the couch and rolling a joint. He sparks it, takes a hit, and passes it to her.

After several hits, he says quietly, "Forman's been avoiding you."

"I know."

"You've been avoiding him."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Why is he asking? Does he honestly want to know?

"I have nothing to say to him."

"He has a lot to say to you."

Is he trying to be helpful or is he just too high? Donna passes the joint back to him, eager to change the subject. "Maybe there's nothing he can say to fix it."

"Yeah, there is. You're meant to be together. It's not like..."

She wonders if he was about to say it isn't like him and Jackie. But he doesn't seem to want to finish the sentence and she doesn't want to talk about relationships.

"Are you sleeping tonight, man?"

"Probably not."

"I'm gonna paint the water tower."

"Gonna fix the Fez and Jackie sign?"

Fez had fixed that a couple days after it happened. Hyde had been so pissed that Donna was glad she left the next day.

"Gonna fix the pot leaf. I need some help."

The joint's gone and they sit in silence for a bit until they come off their high enough to function properly, although it doesn't make much difference with them anymore. They tip-toe to the kitchen for some snacks then to the Camino and heads for the water tower. Paint the leaf again—their claim to this town, paint over the letter proclaiming Jackie as Fez's. When they finally returned finish it's almost six, and they stop at a 24-hour diner for breakfast.

-::-::-

It's noon when Donna wakes. They had stumbled in at a quarter past seven, tired and full. She hasn't slept well, but then again, she hasn't slept well since she made the decision to return to her home town for spring break. She should have gotten a ticket to Florida and visited her dad.

Hyde has just woken up too. He's in his robe at the table, eating a sandwich, with no one else in sight. He give her a little grin when she walked in the room, a conspiratorial wink. She pours herself a bowl of cereal and sits down next to him.

"I caught the end of Red's tirade against vandals when I came down." He has a little smirk on his face and she returned it. He loves irritating people and the restrained enthusiasm's contagious.

Hyde leaves for work after that. She stays in the kitchen and, intent on keeping herself busy, washes the dishes. As she's drying the last plate, the door from the living room opens. By habit, she turns.

Eric.

He stares at her for a long moment, eyes wide, before he swallows hard and forces a smile. "Hey. Are you feeling better?"

"Um, yeah."

"So, um, we need to talk."

"I'm really not...not now, Eric."

He takes a step closer to her and reached out, tucking a stray strand behind her ear. Her heart speeds up and she melts a little at that simple touch. Forcing herself to be strong (or is it cold?), she says, "Maybe later." She drops the towel and walks out the door. He doesn't try to stop her.

She's standing the front of her old house a second later, staring at the happy couple through the window. It takes a moment to remember she didn't live there anymore and a pang of hurt sounds through her. Before they realise she's staring, she turns sharply and walks away.

It's official then. She has no home.

That night, Hyde joins Donna yet again for another late night circle, complete with peanut butter and a case of beer. That night, the joint doesn't seem to make anything funny, but it does loosen their lips.

"Why didn't you talk to Forman today?"

"I don't have anything to say. He left me. He can't just walk in and out of my life and expect everything to be fine."

A pause. "You don't think you should hear him out?"

Some peanut butter gets stuck in her throat and she washes it down with a long swig of beer. "Would you?"

"He loves you, man."

She doesn't want to talk about Eric, and it's so easy to turn the tables on him. "Jackie loved you."

He freezes. "Whatever."

Tense silence fills the space between them.

He finally speaks, his voice sounding choked up, although she can't tell what from. "I wasn't going to be the guy she wanted me to be."

"She wanted to be loved, Hyde."

"No. She wanted someone to worship her. Like Fez does. And you know what, man? He can have her. She's not worth busting my eardrums over."

His wall's up. For once in their friendship, she wants so badly to break that wall down and commiserate with him. She never cared much about seeing past his Zen, always knowing that deep down he could be nice when the desire struck, but she's wondering how deeply rooted his misery is. He has to feel something—he's only human.

"You're pretty strongly against her dating Fez for someone who doesn't think she's worth it."

Silence.

"You really hurt her—"

"Yeah, 'cause I was just jumping with freaking joy when she just walked away."

There we go, she thinks. A crack in the wall.

"Just like good old Edna." The words are muttered under his breath, derisive and almost inaudible, but she hears them and she can feel his despondency. Tears unexpectedly fill her eyes. They are both mourning, but his heartache runs deeper than hers. Longer. He hadn't seemed that broken up when his mother left, but it had been silly to assume that that hadn't hurt him.

"Why don't you tell her that?"

"Edna?"

"Jackie."

"Tell her what?"

"That she did the same thing to you as your mother did. As her mother did." A part of that rings true—Hyde and Jackie had been abandoned so many times that Jackie should have known better than to walk away like that. Coming back might have eased that, Donna doesn't know, but it didn't change the fact that she left in the first place. A note wasn't the way to breakup with someone. Donna knew _that_.

"She knows it was her fault."

"It was both your faults." Not like her and Eric. Eric had walked away without even thinking about her.

They've demolished the peanut butter and almost all the beer by then. Hyde's words slur. "At least you're not blaming it entirely on me." He pops open another can and downs it. "I don't need to tell Jackie anything. I'm over whatever disease I had while I was with her, she's over me, and we've made nice, so no one has to worry."

They'd called a very uneasy truce. The burns are kept to a minimum but the tension, as she'd seen yesterday, is impenetrable. And sexual. One day, they're going to rip each other's clothes off. She forces the image out of her head.

"I think you should hear Forman out."

He rarely states his opinions so definitively about his friends' lives. She shouldn't be as surprised as she is.

"He's been panicking ever since he found out you were coming. He wants to explain things to you but he can't do that if you run away."

"I'm not running," she mutters defensively.

"Yeah you are."

Is she?


	2. Distracted

DISTRACTED

TUESDAY

Donna manages to wake up around eight despite only having three hours of sleep. Her conversation with Hyde had tapered off after he accused her of running away, and they had left it at that.

Her stomach is churning from all the alcohol she consumed and she sips at water and nibbles on toast until her stomach's settled again. Mrs. Forman had started her shift at seven, so she's alone in the kitchen.

After twenty minutes, Red comes down and eats a bowl of cereal. He asks her some questions about school and takes off somewhere. She breaks apart the pop tart until it's in tiny pieces on her plate and attempts to eat it.

Eric comes down after that. He pauses briefly when he sees her sitting at the kitchen table, but he walks in anyway and makes himself some food. Neither one speaks when he sits down across from her. He eats quickly, dumps his plate in the sink, and pauses as he's leaving through the sliding door. After a moment of what she presumes is internal debate he takes three steps towards her and presses a gentle kiss on her lips. And he leaves, leaving her wanting more and hating herself for it.

She raises a hand and presses a finger to her mouth. The kiss is tender and loving, completely different from the ones they'd shared over the last few months, but it inflames her senses more than any passionate kiss ever had. Sighing angrily, she storms out of the kitchen.

-::-::-

She has been reading in bed, futilely trying to keep Eric out of her mind. But the novel isn't as interesting as remembering his hands on her, hesitant and clumsy, as they made love for the first time or the way he held her at night or the way he made her feel when he gave her a love-struck smile.

Tears well up in her eyes and she wipes them away furiously. Her room mate told her that in a few months the pain would recede and foolishly Donna believed her, but she should have known better. They'd been broken up for a year before and she had been miserable the entire time through. It hadn't mattered that she wanted to be over him. She just loves him too much.

Maybe Hyde's right. Maybe she's being a coward and running away, but what else is there to do? She shouldn't forgive Eric but if he tells her that he loves her, she'll run right into his arms and never leave again...not unless he leaves first. Rivulets of tears stream down her face. Her throat's tight and her mouth dry and she has to gasp for breath.

She doesn't want anyone to see her crying, doesn't want Eric to walk in and feel bad, so she curls up in a ball in the shower, hot water washing over her. She's stripped down to her underwear, and the wire on her bra's getting painfully uncomfortable from the water, but she doesn't have the energy to unhook it. Rocking back and forth, her knees pulled up to her chin, she's unsure, terrified, knowing that where she needs to go is somewhere she just couldn't.

If he tells her he loves her, she'll go back to him without thinking, knowing that she'll probably give up something again and she won't care. But she wonders how long it'll take for her to regret it. She wants to travel and see the world, go places and do things, and she can't afford someone holding her back. But if he tells her that he doesn't want her anymore, she'll die right on the spot.

She hates those women, the ones that give up everything for a man, but she is one, and it bothers her and doesn't at the same time. Eric has been everything to her for too many years—so many, that walking away's no longer an option. But then again, is staying still an option?

-::-::-

It's half past two, and she's cried out all her tears, eaten a hot dog at the Hub, and currently is wandering around Grooves. Kelso is hitting on a blonde in the corner, Leo is sitting at the listening pit with a pair of headphones that aren't plugged in to anything sitting on his head. Eric, Hyde, and Randy are all at the counter, Randy ringing up someone as the other two read comics. After circling the store ten times, she walks up to them.

Randy gives her a bright smile. He's over her, she thinks, and she gives him a huge smile back. It hurts her cheeks, smiling so big, but it still is the first genuine smile she's given in a few months. It's nice to see that someone's happy to see her.

He asks her some questions about Madison, but the store's busy and he keeps getting stopped by a customer needing help since no one else is in a particularly helpful mood. After fifteen minutes of this, he asks her if she'd like to go out sometime so they can catch up.

She doesn't feel the same silliness she felt with him before, the same empty-headed crush she'd had on him. She doesn't ramble, didn't say inane things, she just smiles and says sure and makes plans for dinner at the Vineyard tomorrow at seven. When she turns to leave, she catches a glimpse of Eric's face. The corners of his mouth are tight and his eyes look sad, almost puppyish. Hyde breaks through her melting heart by asking her to get Kelso out of there—he's currently on chick number four after scaring the other three away—and Donna says goodbye and drags Kelso out the door with her.

They go to the Hub then to see Fez, dropping off some soda for him. Donna gets wrangled into redoing her dye job since the salon isn't busy at the moment. Fez leads her to the chair to shampoo her hair, but she stills him abruptly, and before she realises what she's saying, she tells the hairstylist, "I want to dye my hair back."

She hears Kelso and Fez say something in the background, but it sounds distant and far away. The hairstylist asked her if she's sure, and she nods, not knowing why she wants to, not knowing why it matters so much to her all of a sudden.

-::-::-

Kelso had waited rather patiently for him for her to finish, although that was probably due to the fact that he hit on every woman who came in the door. It's past five when they leave, her hair orange and shoulder length, Kelso half hating it, half liking it but still hitting on her. They go to visit Jackie at the mall where she works at Halverson's department store. Her shift id ending, so they wait a few moments longer. When Jackie closes her register, she heads over to them and stops short.

"Why?" She indicates towards Donna's hair, clearly distressed.

"Why not?

She doesn't have an answer for Jackie and Jackie doesn't have an answer for her. She changes the subject quickly, telling her about her date with Randy, and Jackie goes into full salesgirl mode. Kelso wanders away as the girls go from department to department, picking out jewelry and shoes and a dress and a new lipstick.

Around six thirty, Donna's done (or, more accurately, has given up—she hasn't slept and she has no energy to spend hours shopping) and Jackie sneaks to an empty register to ring her up to get her commission for it. They find Kelso at an ice cream stand, getting a girl's number, and they pull him away.

Kelso heads toward the basement when they get to the Forman house, but Jackie heads up to Laurie's room with Donna. They dump the bags on the bed when Donna notices her friend's distaste at the room and they head down only to be stopped by a familiar voice coming from the living room.

-::-::-

Bob has come to see Donna. She gives him a huge hug, thankful he'd come and feeling better just at the sight of him, the sound of his voice saying "pumpkin." The others have wandered upstairs, clearly baked, having heard the conversation and smelled the ribs. Red scowls at the group in the living room, but Kitty ushers them all into the dining room, ensuring them she'd made more than enough. They manage to squish some extra chairs in and Jackie opts to sit on Fez's lap as they eat (feeding each other all the while), so the nine of them manage to fit. During dinner, Bob fills them in on Florida and Kelso passes around pictures of Betsy. They all comment on Donna's hair, Eric's eyes lingering all throughout the night, ask her about school, talk about Hyde's success at the store.

After an hour of glaring at the happy couple across him, Hyde excuses himself early so he can go back to work, and Jackie and Fez wander home shortly after that, holding hands and looking happy. Kelso, yawning like a little kid, decides to go back to his parents' house then, and the other five discuss Madison and college and studies for a while longer. It's like the old times, the Pinciottis and Formans together, and Donna wishes for it to be year ago, before Eric made a decision to leave, before her dad left for some stupid reason, before Hyde and Jackie fell apart. She wishes so strongly, she feels a headache come on, and she has to force herself to sit through drinks.

Two glasses of wine and three hours later, she collapses into bed.

The next morning starts better. She practically dances down the steps for some reason to breakfast. Kitty's filling up plates with eggs, bacon (ham in Red's case), and hash browns. She sits in between Red and Hyde and digs in when her plate's handed to her.

"You look better today, Donna," Kitty says as she sits. "I guess you were tired from school still."

She nods not knowing what to say, when her father walks in through the sliding door, wearing a horrendous Hawaiian patterned shirt. Red sighs irritably while Kitty jumps up to get Bob a plate.

The breakfast is mostly filled with Kitty talking about the hospital. After Hyde goes off to work, Red (not so) reluctantly takes Bob ice fishing, and Kitty takes away their plates. "Oh, Red missed Bob. He's the only friend he has!" She laughs and leaves through the living room, leaving Donna and Eric.

Alone.

Damn it.

"So, I heard you dated Randy."

Did he not know that? She hadn't told him, hadn't thought it important, but she thought someone else had informed him. Kitty, maybe, calling her a whore. Jackie, trying to tell him that she'd found someone manly enough.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to start dating him again?"

No. Of course not. But she wants to hurt him, even as she sees the insecurity dimming his eyes.

"Maybe. He's a great kisser, you know."

But not better than Eric. No one is. Not Randy, not Casey Kelso, not even with all their experience.

"Well...Good for you."

She knows he doesn't mean that, knows without looking that his eyes are sad. Suddenly, she sounds too heartless to her own ears, and she speaks reassuringly. "He's an ex, Eric. I broke up with him for a reason. I wouldn't go back to an ex."

It's another few hours before she realises that that wasn't reassuring in the slightest.

Donna spends the day with Kelso. They eat at the Hub, play Space Invaders until she beats him so many times he can't take it anymore, and eventually go back to the mall. In the distance, she can see Fenton, and they both take a sharp turn when they end up entirely too close to him.

The turn lands them in the lingerie department. Kelso immediately picks up a lacy blue thong and dangles in front of her with a lewd comment about her modelling it for him. She scowls and snatches it from his hand.

One of these days, she's going to do it just to see what his reaction would be, she thinks as she storms past him. Maybe he'd be so surprised he'd shut up for a while. Then again, he might think she was hitting on him. She has no desire to kiss Kelso, no desire to be with him in any capacity. He's one of her best friends and therefore a non-sexual being.

Kelso's flirting with a brunette who was clearly interested, so Donna doesn't approach him when she heads back his way. Not trusting him not to leave her there, she browses through the racks around him, keeping him in sight. She can hear their conversation, is surprised that he ever picked up a girl that way.

She finds some lingerie she likes and heads past Kelso, keeping it hidden from him. He may have been enthralled with the girl pushing her cleavage up at him, but Donna isn't ready to take the risk.

-::-::-

She'd paid for it already, talked to Jackie some, and ate ice cream and he is still talking to the brunette. Making plans for tonight. She waits with considerable patience for her until another girl comes and drags the brunette away, and Kelso gives her a goodbye kiss.

Not even one date and they ares already kissing.

She stuffs the bag in the inside jacket of her pocket as Kelso comes towards her and they say goodbye to Jackie, get some more ice cream, go back to the Hub, go to see Fez. She's bored with spring break already. She hadn't realised how small this town was, how little there was to do, until she left. She knows why Kelso loves Chicago now.

She eventually takes him to see _The Muppets Movie_. He's like a little kid, staring wide eyed with a goofy smile at the screen, not even trying to grope her. She eats candy the entire time through, not really paying attention. The Twizzlers she's eating have brought back memories.

"_Hey, Donna, what kind of food am I?"_

"_Um, I don't know. I guess... a Twizzler."_

"_What?"_

"_No, it's a good thing. You can have a lot of them and not even notice."_

Late the next day, wrapped in each other's arms, after that disaster on the radio, he admitted he hated that comment.

"_I mean...a Twizzler? Of all the foods you could pick... a Twizzler?"_

"_You're not a Twizzler. You're..." She racked her brains. She couldn't think of anything on the spot like that, which was why she said Twizzler in the first place. "You're cheesecake."_

"_Cheesecake." His voice was questioning, wondering if that was any better._

"_Satisfying."_

_It was all the explanation he needed._

-::-::-

The movie has ended and people are leaving, but she's still caught up in the memories, throat thick with repressed tears. Kelso's staring at her, a torn look on his face as he realises something is wrong. She gives him a thin smile and stand, following him out the theatre, stuffing the leftover pack of caramels in her pocket, pretending nothing is wrong, that she's just distracted. He's too oblivious to figure it out.

They heads to Grooves after that and Kelso instantly goes to the back office with Hyde and Leo for a circle. Donna stands there awkwardly for a moment, not wanting to stay with Randy, not wanting to get high, not wanting to leave, not wanting to stay. She finally takes a hesitant step towards Randy, offers to run the store for a little while if he wants a break. He stares at her for a minute, not recognising her at first. He declines and asks if they are still on for tonight. She nods, looks at the clock behind him. It is just past five. He says he'll pick her up at the Forman house at six thirty. She smiled and says she needs to go get ready.

-::-::-

She takes a long shower and stares at herself in the foggy mirror. Why is she going tonight? What if Randy thinks she wants him back?

Stop it, she tells herself. _We're going as friends. Like if I were going out with Hyde or Fez or Kelso._

But none of them would take her to the Vineyard. They'd go to the Hub or Fatso Burger or, more rarely, McDonald's. And it wouldn't be a date. She wouldn't have bought a new dress. She wouldn't be applying red lipstick (or any lipstick at all). She wouldn't have donned on her new sexy lingerie. She wouldn't be trying to look as sexy as possible.

But why is she trying to do that anyway?


	3. Discontented

The comparisons are inevitable. And unfavourable to her date. For some reason, Randy doesn't seem as handsome or as funny as he was four months ago. His voice grates her nerves tonight, and his hair makes her jealous and annoyed at the same time.

He's trying to engage her in a conversation but she can't find the desire to talk to him. She kepps wishing he'll turn into Eric. Yet somehow, she manages a smile and small talk throughout dinner, all while pondering the waste of her time and money.

Finally, the night's over and she's trying to get him to leave when he drops her off. There's some uncomfortable conversation following that as he tries to subtly figure out if she wants another date. She turns him down as gently as she could, out of patience, wanting to get upstairs and go to bed. It isn't even nine yet, but she wants to end this day already.

Randy leans in and kisses her while she's trying to say goodbye. She jerks away quickly.

"I'd really like to go out again. I think we have something." He says hurriedly, trying to mask the hurt on his face.

The hurt should make her feel bad, but it doesn't. All she can think is that they never had anything. It was like it was with Casey—loneliness. Eric had dumped her and she'd turned to the first guy she saw that she didn't know all that well. All he was was a rebound.

"I don't—I _can't_."

-::-::-

She steals a beer from Red and downs it on the way up the stairs. Along with the three glasses of Long Island iced tea, she's properly drunk by the time she reaches her room.

She undoes the buttons holding her dress together and slides it off her shoulders. Everything is spinning just enough for her to trip as she tries to step out of the pool of black velvet. She wobbles on her heels and tries to straighten up when she becomes uncomfortably aware of a pair of eyes on her.

Eric is in the doorway, staring at her with a strange mix of arousal and curiosity and feigned detachment on his face. Her mind moving sluggishly, it takes a moment for her to register him and shriek in surprise. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Um, the door was open."

Didn't she close it? "So?"

He doesn't say anything, doesn't even appear to be listening. He's staring at her body. She finds herself turned on by his gaze and upset by her reaction.

There's only one way to deal with this.

-:-:-

Her lips look very inviting, he thinks. He had caught a glimpse of her earlier when Randy was picking her up and had thought the red was too...odd on her face. Too unusual for Donna. Too much make-up, too 'look-at-me.' But it has faded, leaving just a tint that hadn't yet gone, and her lips look like they did after a long make out session. And he knows she didn't made out with Randy. He'd watched them come in. He'd watched her pull away.

Her dress had looked good on her, but he much prefers it on the floor. At least in front of him. It had covered most of her curves and didn't even reveal the barest hint of cleavage. It wasn't all that sexy.

But her lingerie is. Pushing aside the thought that she wore it for her date, he takes a step closer, taking in the white lace confection that reveals more than it covers. She takes a deep breath, her chest heaves, and he takes another step towards her.

His eyes focus on the hint of what lies beneath the flimsy, sheer fabric between her thighs.

"It's a pity he didn't get to see it."

His eyes snap back up to hers and he feels the barest hint of rage break through the surface of theself control he's carefully honed over the course of the night. "You didn't wear it for him. I saw you push him away."

"I thought he wasn't interested. I was just surprised."

"You didn't kiss him again."

"Last time I kissed him at your house, your mother called me a whore. I don't want to upset her again."

There's only one way Donna can't upset his mother and that would be to marry him. He knows she knows that and she knows he knows. She's playing a game, and he doesn't have the energy to play it right now.

He silently refocuses on her, scanning down her long legs to her jewelled heels and back up. If she says something else, he doesn't hear it, and he isn't sure he cares. She's been avoiding him since she came back, and he thinks that says everything he needs to know. They are over and there is nothing to say and she doesn't want to pretend there is.

But he has something to say. He peels his eyes away from her and shuts the door as he steps into the room. He has her practically cornered. He may be able to talk to her. Then again, she may get upset and start hitting.

"What are you doing? Get out."

He should. Her tone implies she's angry and he's never wanted to mess with her when she's like that, but he can't help it tonight. He's a little angry too. Over what, he isn't sure, but he is. Randy maybe. Her running away every time he comes near. Her comment about not going back to an ex. That was specifically meant for him if he has to guess.

"_Get out._"

-:-:-

If she wasn't so drunk she'd force him to leave.

At least that's what she tells herself, but deep down, she knows that isn't right. She's never forced him to leave. Especially when she's turned on. No one did the job like Eric does.

Not that she's had sex with anyone else. He is, much to her displeasure, the only man to have ever touched her. She had tried with Randy, with Casey, but she always flaked out last second. It didn't matter how handsome they were or how talented, no one made her feel like her scrawny neighbor boy did. (Does? She wonders).

He takes a step towards her and holds out his hand. Without thinking she takes it, and he steadies her as she steps out of the dress she's still half tangled in.

She's so close to him her heart goes into overdrive. The heels make her several inches taller than him, so her chest is pressed up in his face. And he's staring. She can feel his breath against the valley between her breasts, tickling her, driving her crazy.

It takes a few moments but she gets her reaction tamped down enough to take a step forward. He takes one back on instinct and she continues until he's back toward the door. She tries reaching behind him for the knob, but her senses are still dull from the alcohol and she misses it. He catches on and takes a step forward, pushing her back towards the centre of the room.

It goes on for sometime, them forming a pattern, as if they're dancing to music only they can hear, until he spins her around and presses her into the door. He stares at her for a long moment then leans forward.

It's sad, the way she closes her eyes in anticipation, the way her body reacted to the feel of his lips hovering over hers. Pathetic.

And exciting.

The kiss starts off uncertainly, more uncertain that any kiss they have ever had. His hands are flailing, trying to figure out where they should go. Then it shifts and the hesitance turns into familiar passion and then into bruising intensity. His fingers grip at her waist, digging in, and and she responds by angling her nails into his shoulders. The doorknob presses into the small of her back, and she can feel him pressed against the apex of her thighs.

It unleashes a raging storm in her. She's angry and turned on and anxious and miserable and the emotions just boil over with the help of his expert mouth and the wave of energy coming off him.

She tries to fight it but she's never had a chance.

-::-::-

It was frenzied and violent. He hadn't even taken her underwear off; he'd just shoved her panties aside, tugged her breasts out enough to reach her nipples. His shirt was still on, and his jeans were around his ankles. He'd taken her right against the door, leaving a trail of marks where his hands and mouth had touched then he'd walked right out the door as if nothing had happened.

She's staring at herself in the mirror, assessing the damage he'd done. She has a bite mark on her shoulder—he has one too, she'd dug her teeth into him to muffle her screams. There are small bruises on her hips, her stomach, her arms. Her make-up's smeared and her lips are sore and swollen and bleeding—had he bit her lip?; she doesn't remember—and her back has a huge bruise from the doorknob.

And her dignity is bruised as well. Shattered, actually. Disturbed by how easy it is to give herself to a man who walked away and made her feel like she was nothing to him when he was everything to her.

God, she hates being that girl. She should have pushed him out of the room, threw something at him, anything but have sex with him. Anything but knock down her self-respect a few pegs.

Sick of thinking about him, of having his touch on her, she kicks off her heels, peels the lingerie off, and blasts herself with freezing cold water in the shower.

Maybe that will make her come to her senses.

-:-:-

Why did he do that? He'd only wanted to kiss her, but then, in his mind's eyes, he saw Randy kissing her and he just couldn't control himself. He wanted to stake a claim to her, make her his again in the only way he currently could.

And he hadn't meant to hurt her. Kissing her had been thunder and lightening to him—a sign a storm was brewing. And when it rained, it drowned. He left without knowing what to say, not wanting to see her reaction to the volatility he was feeling.

Not wanting to see his.

He touches the bite mark on his shoulder. He has a million things to say to her but he doesn't know where to start. Even if she does decide to listen to him, he wouldn't know how to tell her anything. Blurting it out is always an option, but knowing him, he'll screw it up.

Of course, there's the option of letting everything go and moving on.

He doesn't think he'll be able to do that.

-:-:-

Donna's skin is pruning when she gets out of the shower and she's shaking from the cold. She throws on a camisole under her flannel pajamas and heads down to the basement, not wanting to be in such close proximity to Eric.

It's nearing eleven and the house is quiet and still. She turns the television on, mutes it, and stares blankly at whatever's playing.

A half hour later, Hyde comes in, a file full of papers in his hand. He nods to her, disappears into his room for a few minutes, and comes back with a bag and some papers. He give them to her and she gets the hint, rolling the joint with expert ease as he grabs a case of beer and downs a couple.

She guesses he's pissed he's bringing work home.

She takes a long sip of beer and hands him the joint to spark it. He takes a couple of hits before passing it to her.

Hyde goes on a long rant about work and the government and other conspiracies. She hears him talking, but she's still preoccupied about Eric, and the pot isn't doing anything but making her more paranoid about it. She opts to stay silent, but Hyde eventually changes the subject.

"Did you talk to Forman yet?"

"I don't have anything to say." How many times had she told him that? Why isn't he leaving her alone? He's never made such a big deal about his friends' lives. So blatantly at least.

"He does."

"So you said. Why should I hear him out?"

"Because he wants to explain things, man." There's a brief pause. "How was your date with Randy?"

"It wasn't a date." She shifts and curls up into herself protectively. "Why did you keep Randy around?"

"I don't have to work as much if he's around. I can't leave Leo in charge of the store."

She nods. "Why don't you hire someone else?"

"I know him."

She can read between the lines on that one. Hyde isn't worried Randy would scam him.

"What's the issue with Randy, man? I thought you liked him. You know, after the dating and all."

She shifts again, wishing that he was sitting on his chair and not next to her on the couch. He's too close, too knowing. She can see the outline of his eyes even through the glasses in the dark, and they are staring at her, expectantly if she has to guess. "He's not Eric," she mumbles, embarrassed to be admitting it aloud.

"And you don't want to talk to him." He scoffs and takes another long drag off the joint. "If Eric's the one you want to be with, you have to talk to him."

"You never talked to Jackie."

"We're not talking about Jackie."

"Well, I'm ending the conversation about Eric."

Silence. She's never had a tense silence with him, not even after he'd kissed her. He isn't a person that she ever feels uncomfortable with.

"Man," he turns to face her and spekas softly, "you're both going to be miserable if you keep this up. I'm not asking you to take him back, but he's my brother, and I'm sick of seeing him beat himself up."

She's never seen him so...caring. Outwardly. If she thinks about it (if she had the ability to think much right now) she'd realise he'd done things before, always with an excuse, to help his friends. The only thing missing tonight is that excuse.

"Just talk to him. Hear him out, yell at him, do whatever you want. Just let him say what he wants to say."

She doesn't respond at first. Then slowly, she says, "If I talk to Eric, will you talk to Jackie?"

"Jackie and I have nothing to say to each other."

"You compared her to Edna. You obviously have something to say to her."

"No, I don't." Insistent as his tone is, she isn't convinced.

"Well, I have nothing to say to Eric."

"You keep saying that. And when he was gone, you kept insisting you two were over. But he came back and you two were kissing. That's not being over someone. So, yeah, you have something to say. It involves the words 'asshole' and 'dumbass' but it's something to say."

"And you have something to say to Jackie. And I'm betting she has something to say to you. So, I'll make you a deal. I'll hear Eric out if you tell Jackie all those things you never told her."

"What things?" His Zen is gone and his voice is suspicious, she realises, and his shoulders have tensed up. She's struck a nerve.

"You never told her you loved her, for starters. I'm sure she'd like to know that you did." She takes one last hit and passes it back to him. "If you talk to her, I'll talk to him. Do we have a deal?"

He stares at her for a long moment then, "Deal."


	4. Disillusioned

THURSDAY

When Donna goes downstairs for breakfast, she instantly sits down next to Hyde and asks him if he remembers their deal. He gives her a curt nod in response, obviously unhappy, but she can't find it in herself to care.

At three in the morning, when she was heading to bed, she wondered if she's doing this for her and Eric or for Jackie and Hyde. She'd lied to herself, saying it was for Jackie and Hyde, and in the harsh light of the kitchen, she stands by that.

When her father arrives, it's nearly noon. He's dressed in his usual tacky attire, and she wonders why he can't dress normally. He tells her he wants to spend the day with her, and she quickly dresses and runs back down. She's missed him more than she realises.

They go to Fatso Burger. High school kids fill the place but they find a table outside.

"I got some news for you, pumpkin."

She looks up at him, waiting.

"The bait shop's not doing too well," he admits sheepishly, "But I've got some new ideas. Better ones. Even Red didn't make fun of me too much when I told him." He bites into his burger and then eats some fries and takes a long drink of shake.

Donna can't handle the suspense. "And...?"

"I'm moving back to Point Place."

A smile lights up her face. She's grinning from ear to ear and her cheeks. "Seriously? Dad, that's amazing!" She reaches across the table and hugs him.

"Even better, the family that bought our old house wants to move to a bigger city. So I bought it back. I know you missed it."

She gets up and hugs him in one fluid motion. She's too choked up for words, too happy, too excited.

They finish their meal and get back into his rental car. "Are you sure you want to move back, dad?"

"Oh, yeah. I even ran into Joanne yesterday. We've got a date tonight."

"Good for you."

"So, the family should be completely moved out by tomorrow."

That's odd. She doesn't remember seeing them packing. "That's really soon. How long ago did they decide to move?"

"They've been planning this for a few weeks now. Most of their stuff is at their new house. Maybe you can move in on Saturday. Get some things done. They told me the only room they changed was the living room and they're taking their new furniture with them. Maybe you can go get some more. Decorate how you like. I gotta go back to Florida to take care of some things but I'll be back next week."

"When are you leaving?"

"Sunday. I should be back Monday. I'm sorry I can't stay longer. I've missed you, pumpkin."

"I've missed you too, daddy."

-::-::-

It's just past four when they return to the Forman house. He leaves again, going off to work on some property contracts or whatever, and she goes to her room and writes in her diary. It's been almost two weeks since she last wrote, but she still barely fills up a page.

School is boring. She goes to class every day, to the library to do her homework, then back to her dorm. Once a week, she goes to a party but always leaves after an hour. They're all the same, and there's no one there she knows. She takes a bus most Friday afternoon back to Point Place, then again on Sunday. The routine drives her crazy with its repetition, but it hasn't changed since she left. She has nothing to write about there.

And she doesn't want to fill up her diary with her worries about Eric. She's been careful not to mention him in her new one, the one Jackie gave her on her last birthday. She wants no memories of her heartache or her first love (her only love, a little voice tells her, but she ignores it). She doesn't want to remember how much misery he caused her, but she knows she always will. The people she considers family, he considers family as well. They would not ever be apart from each other.

Not that she wants to be apart from him. It's hard to admit it, even to herself, but the brutally honest voice inside her head insists. She still loves him, heart and soul, and she's terrified of talking to him. Terrified of what she might hear, of what he might have to say.

There are tears in her eyes, but she has no energy to cry. She swipes them away furiously and flips through her bag, hoping there's at least one assignment she didn't finish before she left.

And there's only one. One she doesn't want to do. An assignment about fear.

_What's your greatest fear right now and how can you overcome it?_

The world has got to be against her.

-::-::-

She does the assignment anyway since she has to do it eventually. She scribbles away for hours and thirty pages. It's not supposed to be a full essay, so she reads through the pages, through the things she can't bear to read, can't believe she admitted.

It's supposed to be one page. It's supposed to be simple. But it isn't. She doesn't know what she's afraid of exactly. Is she afraid that Eric no longer loves her or that he still does?

She's still musing unhappily to herself when Kitty calls her for dinner. It's past seven, and it's been six hours since she's eaten, but she can't bring herself to eat much. It's steak and potatoes tonight, and Hyde and Eric and Red and Kelso, who's there for some reason, are all gobbling down food. Kitty makes her a plate, hands it to her, and she spends the next hour picking at it.

The only one who notices is Hyde. Kelso's oblivious, Eric's pointedly ignoring her. Only Hyde stares at her plate for a moment then turns his eyes to hers. His glasses are off, and he looks about as concerned as he lets himself be. Granted, it isn't much, but it's enough for her to know he knows she isn't okay.

He leaves, saying he's going to go take a nap—he didn't get much sleep last night, he told Kitty, after she begun to worry. Work.

She doesn't buy his story. She waits for a few more minutes, says she has some homework she wants to finish up, and goes to the basement. He's sitting on his chair, clearly waiting.

"You wanna tell me you're fine without Forman now?"

She doesn't respond. He already knows the answer.

-::-::-

It's almost midnight. Their friends had joined them in the basement for a while, but every one had wandered to bed by now. Only Hyde and Donna remain, both staring blankly at the television.

Tears well up in her eyes. The couple in whatever movie they are watching are happily making up and making out, and her stomach is churning unhappily. She tries to stop the tears but they don't want to listen, and before she knows it, her face is wet.

Hyde glances at her, uncomfortable, but comes to sit next to her. He wraps his arm around her, but he has no words of soothe her. Without thinking, she throws her arms around him and sobs against his shoulder. He hesitantly pulls her to him.

-:-:-

Hyde doesn't know what to say. He's never seen her cry, never seen her so upset. She's supposed to be strong and tough. She's not supposed to be crying over a man.

But there's nothing he can do to help her. He knows he can give her all the advice in the world, but she doesn't want to talk to Eric. So he just pats her back and lets her cry it out. There's nothing else he can do that he hasn't already done. Except try to force her to talk to Eric. And he knew she wouldn't respond well to that. So all he can do it wait it out and try to pretend it's not irritating him.

But he can't even lie to himself anymore.

-:-:-

It's odd, waking up in Hyde's arms. She's only ever woken up in Eric's arms, and this morning is much different.

They're tangled up on the couch, her half on top of him. One of his hands is on her thigh, and she removes it without waking him. His head is leaned back on the edge, and his legs are splayed to the side. She wonders if she should leave him to sleep but she can't imagine the couch is comfy, so she nudges him. He jumps a second later and sits up completely, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"What time is it?"

She shrugs.

He glances at her and reaches for his sunglasses. "Better?"

She shrugs again, knowing there's no need for words. He understands.

-::-::-

Just after eleven, she remembers she promised to DJ at the radio station between noon and four. She heads down to the radio station, waits until they want her there. Max asks her about college and things, and Jerry Thunder comes down for a hello.

At noon, she goes on, putting all her energy into pretending she's perfectly fine. It goes as smoothly as usual, and she leaves just after four, promising to come back, maybe even DJ some this summer.

She has no energy left. She's still exhausted from her crying jag the night before, and her body is stiff from sleeping on the couch. She collapses on a bench in front of a store and buries her face in her hands. Another step is just too much effort.

A shadow looms over her. She jumps and looks up.

Red.

"What are you doing out here?"

The question sounds gruff, but there's a definite concern in his eyes.

"You look like you're about to faint." He frowns in a way that she thinks means he's trying not to care, but he does.

"I'm just... Mr. Forman, can you give me a ride to Grooves?"

He stares at her for a moment and nods. She stumblingly manages to get to the passenger seat in his car, but she knows he's lurking behind her, thinking she's about to fall.

He drops her off a few minutes later outside of the record store. He waits until she's inside and has collapsed onto the couch at the listening pit to leave. Fez, who had been standing at the register, comes over to her.

"Where's Hyde?"

"He wanted to talk to Jackie. They're in his office."

He's trying to be calm, she knows, but his tone belies his words. He's worried.

She's confused. The only reason Hyde would talk to Jackie...

She jumps up, suddenly feeling energised. Fez gives her a strange look and she tells him she's going to go make sure Hyde's not being mean.

She can't make out too many words from behind the door, but Jackie isn't screaming, so she takes that as a good thing. She can sort of hear Hyde's voice, saying something about making a mistake and that's all she needs to hear.

Fez is waiting for her and she gives him a reassuring smile. He seems relieved, but that thirty seconds of energy she had fades into panic. She had been relying on Hyde _not_ doing it.

-:-:-

He's only doing this for Donna and Forman, Hyde tells himself when Jackie and Fez walk into the record store. He hasn't been debating this for weeks, hasn't been secretly glad that Donna suggested it a couple days ago. He hasn't been going over his speech since then.

He tries to tell himself that it's a lack of sleep that makes him spend all morning actually wondering if Jackie would come in. That that lack of sleep makes him ask to talk to her. Makes him actually do it.

She's clearly confused, and he launches straight into his speech. He doesn't think he's ever talked so much in his life, but he tells her that he did love her (_does, _a voice tells him but he refuses to correct it out loud), and that he's sorry for everything he did, and he wishes her all the best with Fez if that's what makes her happy.

For a few moments, he thinks she's about to yell at him, but she's just blinking. Finally, "Thank you, Steven." She gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves the office.

He throws himself down on the chair and drops his head into his hands, wondering why it doesn't make him feel better.

_Because you want her back?_

No. He doesn't want her back. He just wants Forman and Donna to make up, and that didn't appear to be happening any time soon. Donna refuses to talk to Forman and he's not going to do it without some pushing.

It's for them. It's so they can be happy. So he can go back to making fun of his best friend in peace.

Yeah, that's it.

-:-:-

Hyde walks out of the office a few minutes after Jackie. He looks perfectly Zen, and when he reaches the register, he gives her a look she understands completely, even through the glasses.

_Your turn._


	5. Distant

SATURDAY

Donna wakes up at six in the morning. Not feeling hungry or tired (surprisingly), she takes a quick shower and tries to work on her assignment. But as she looks through the pages again, all she can think is that there is no way to cut down her fears.

It's nearing eight when she gives up. Through the window, she can see the family moving out their furniture. She talked to them yesterday after a nap. By noon, she could start moving in.

She'd enlisted Hyde's help with the furniture. And Jackie's. And Eric's unfortunately. He overheard them and offered to go along for some reason, and she couldn't say no. They're supposed to help her pick out some furniture and stuff for the house.

At nine, she heads downstairs for breakfast. Jackie is sitting at the table with Hyde and Eric. Kitty is cooking pancakes, and Red is nowhere to be seen.

After a fulfilling meal, they all pile into the Camino and head off to Halverson's. Jackie leads them through the store, making choices and comments, and for once, Donna doesn't argue. She doesn't care what the furniture look like, all she wants is some in the living room.

Not that she can think much now anyway. Eric walks right behind her the entire time, so close she can feel the heat coming off him. It takes all her willpower not to turn around and kiss him.

At noon, they've only agreed on a couch. Donna hands over the credit card her father gave her the night before, and they decide to have lunch and drop off the couch and come back later for some chairs.

When they get to her house, the family is taking one last look through to make sure they don't forget anything. The man gives her their new address in case they forgot something and the two copies of the keys.

She and Hyde, unsurprisingly, end up carrying the couch inside. Eric holds the door open for them and Jackie shouts out instructions. When they head back to the store, Donna has a headache and wants nothing more than to go to bed.

As if sensing her fatigue, Eric hesitantly wraps his arm around her as they enter the store and gives her a kiss on the top of her head. Unthinkingly, she hugs him back and buries her face in his shoulder.

Their friends see them. Jackie looks confused then restrainedly happy and Hyde's expression is unreadable. Jackie begins to say something but Hyde easily leads her away towards the chairs. Donna's not sure if she's glad to be alone with Eric or not, but she knows she doesn't want to talk now, so she pushes him towards their friends as he begins to speak.

Jackie's already dismissed half the chairs as ugly, and they move quickly through the rest. Eric and Hyde don't offer their opinions, and it makes the situation that much easier. Within thirty minutes, Jackie's chosen the two armchairs that best match the couch (Donna wonders vaguely why there's no sets here), and they buy them both.

When they're done moving those in, they head to the Forman's house. Kitty makes them hot dogs with chips, and they gobble them up hungrily.

-::-::-

She'd decided to take a nap after their late lunch, and she feels better when she wakes. It's past five, and she thinks it's time to get up and do something. Finish her assignment or pack up her things. She only has less than twenty four hours left in Point Place, and she wants to get something done so she doesn't have to worry about it when she gets back.

Sighing, she lays back down, not feeling like getting up. She stares at the ceiling, remembering the last time she was in Laurie's room. The circle on Thanksgiving with the math teacher... _No, don't go down that road. _That road led to another one—a diamond ring hidden from everyone that she'd wanted nothing more than to wear.

A diamond ring she's still aching for.

Damn it. She thumps her fists against the bed. That's it—she needs to leave. She needs to go to a place where Eric never was. Madison, college. He's never been there with her. She needs to be in a place where his memory isn't attached. His house isn't it; her house isn't it.

She jumps out of bed and grabs at her things. She can't make it another day. Screw her promise to Hyde, she just can't do it. She's not ready to face him.

She probably won't ever be.

-:-:-

Eric snuck into Donna's room shortly after she went to bed, hoping to find her awake. On the dresser, there had been a stack of paper with her handwriting across it. Since she was already asleep, he read through the first page.

And ended up taking the papers with him.

It's an assignment about fear. He's never known Donna to be afraid of anything. There's things that threw her off balance but fear—debilitating fear—is not something he's ever seen in her.

He feels bad, also, because everything she talks about, everything she fears, involves him. Losing him, getting back together with him, fixing things, not fixing things. She doesn't seem to know what she wants, what he wants.

And—and this just kills him—she thinks he doesn't love her anymore.

-:-:-

Hyde stops her from leaving. It's probably entirely too easy to read the fear in her eyes, and the instant he knows her intention, he's stopped her from leaving. Kitty wouldn't be happy with her just taking off, and Donna still had her end of the bargain to keep up.

"I don't want to talk to him!"

"I didn't want to talk to Jackie! But I did! And I feel bet—" He stops short, not wanting to admit it out loud.

"That might not work for Eric and me."

"It will."

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

"I told you, man, I can't take the moping. It's a million times worse than when you went to California. He doesn't leave his room most of the time."

She kicked out at the tire on his car. "Fine." She doesn't want to leave anyway, not really. "I'll stay until tomorrow."

She follows Hyde into the basement, leaving her bags by the door. He placates her anger with a joint and a few beers, but the high doesn't feel very high, and the alcohol just makes her head pound.

He takes her to the Hub, deciding to avoid the Formans for the night due to their obvious use of the stash. The coffee doesn't sit well in her stomach, and the greasy burger tastes like rubber. She barely eats half her food, and Hyde's concern becomes noticeable with the removal of his glasses.

"My stomach's churning," she offers as an explanation. "It's been doing that lately."

"You're not pregnant, are you, man?"

"NO!" She's horrified. "God, no!" She can't be.

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

She's positive. Her period was just last week. She doesn't tell him that, knows that's more information than he wants.

It's sad, though, the way she touches her stomach as if she wants that to happen.

It would make making up with Eric easier.

-::-::-

She goes to bed when they get back. She's decided to stay at the Formans and come back next weekend to redecorate her house.

The next several hours pass relatively quickly. When she wakes up around noon, she showers quickly and double checks to make sure she has everything.

It feels like something is missing, but she shakes it off. She has everything important, and everything else can wait until next week. It's almost one when she heads down for lunch.

Her father is already gone (it occurs to her she never said goodbye), but Red, Kitty, Hyde, Jackie, and Fez are all there. Kelso, she's informed, has already headed back to Chicago—something about Betsy being sick. Eric, of course, is not there. He doesn't want to be, and for that she's grateful.

At around two, they (minus Red and Kitty) head over to Jackie and Fez's apartment. She's still got another two hours until she has to leave, and they have one last circle, filled with Fez's insane rants about candy, Jackie's self-centered comments, and Hyde's inane ramblings about the government.

This is the one thing she's missed.

-::-::-

When they're coming off their high, Donna finally notices that it's well past four. It's actually nearly seven. She jumps up, wondering how she's managed to waste five hours without realising it, but she doesn't stop to dwell on that. There are more pressing concerns on her mind.

Just as she's about to ask Hyde if he can drive her back to Madison, he glances at his watch. "I gotta get to Grooves. Randy's leaving soon."

She goes with him, knowing that he needed to check on the store and he couldn't leave. She wonders what it would take to get him to close early—probably not much, she thinks, since he usually easily persuaded off work.

She ends up sitting around Grooves for an hour. The store is fairly busy, and Hyde remains by the register for most of the time, having a steady string of customers to ring up. She wanders around the store, helping customers every once in a while, and fixing up the bins. It takes her mind off the fact she's leaving.

Eric comes around nine. There's still a line at the register, but Hyde looks up. "Hey, man," he calls across the room.

"What did you need?"

She edges closer to hear their conversation.

"Donna missed her bus."

"And?"

Oh, Hyde's not doing what she thinks he's doing, is he?

"Why don't you drive her to Madison?"

She's going to kill him.

"Um, are you sure you don't need help at the store?" Eric glances over at her.

"No, I'm good here, man."

"Are you sure?"

"_Yes._"

"Okay." He turns to her. "Where's your stuff?"

"In the back of the Camino."

They say goodbye to Hyde and she grabs her bag out of the flatbed. She adjusts the speakers so the music is blasting.

The drive out of Point Place is silent. The minutes tick by...five, ten, twenty. Her little home town is far behind them now, and they cruise along the highway with KISS as the only sound.

Sixty minutes. It's less than three hours to Madison, two now. In over an hour she'll be safe in her dorm, throwing herself back into a schedule she's taken for granted until now. She stares out the window sullenly, the passing blur of lights the only thing to distract her from the memories. The Cruiser has too many old times attached, too many good, not nearly enough bad. She wonders if she should read, but she can barely concentrate.

An hour and fifteen minutes.

The car suddenly veers off the side of the road, and she panics, but it comes to a smooth stop off the side, in a little clearing. They're in the middle of nowhere, in between towns, and it's a little scary where there's barely any lights.

She turns to him, ready to ask what's wrong, but the look on his face stops her.

He did it on purpose.

It's time to talk.


	6. Disarmed

SUNDAY NIGHT

It's a split second decision to stop, but he needs to say something. He needs to let her know that he does still love her, that he still wants so badly to marry her. He can't let her go without her knowing that he wants another chance.

He can't let her go at all.

She doesn't want to talk. Doesn't want to stay.

But he wants her to. Needs her to. Because he doesn't how what to say, what is wrong exactly.

Luckily, she saves him.

"Do you know what I heard when you said you were going to Africa?"

-:-:-

He's not saying anything, and the silence is too uncomfortable. She knows she shouldn't break her promise to Hyde, knows that the thin veil of using his relationship with Jackie as leverage is gone. Here in the darkness with Eric, it's no longer that easy to say she has nothing to say.

"Do you know what I heard when you said you were going to Africa?"

He shakes his head jerkily.

"I heard that my opinion didn't matter. You were going to leave no matter what, and what I wanted or thought wouldn't change your mind."

She's amazed her voice is calm. Now that she's letting these things out, she feels like screaming.

"Don't get me wrong—if that's what you really wanted, then of course I'd want you to go. But I hated that you made that decision without talking to me. Did you even think about us?"

He whispers, "I didn't think we would be a problem."

She ignores him. "When you dumped me, I... I thought that was the reason you left. I thought that you leaving was just an excuse for you to leave me."

"That's not true, Donna!"

But she can't stop talking. "All I could wonder was 'what did I do wrong?' I wanted to marry you. I'm not the one who walked out on our wedding. I never wanted to break up with you. It's never crossed my mind. Yeah, I was worried about getting married, but it was to you, and that would have been wonderful." She's talking fast now, barely stopping to breathe, the words running together from a place that held it back too long. "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and you toss me away without a backward glance. _You're_ the one that gave me the promise ring, _you're _the one that wanted to hear that we'd be together forever. And now that I feel that, you've walked away!" She kicks out, and her toes hit the panel. She cringes, but the pain calms her down. "You know how many nights I stayed awake and wondered if that was it? If me saying I wasn't as sure as you were three years ago made you want to leave? Because I am sure. I love you and it's painful to think that you won't be the one I wake up next to every morning.

"And you know what else? You didn't even _call_ me. I mean, I wish you could have told me face to face, but a phone call...I wanted to scream at you, and you didn't even have the courtesy to give me that. I did it in private every single night. Every single night I yelled at your picture. And then...then I cried myself to sleep." She wipes a few tears as they fall. "Maybe it's a little self-centered of me to think that I was the reason you left. I know I'm not the only person you have. But... I just... I wanted you to stay. I wanted... I _needed _you to just talk to me. And—and not _dump_ me." She covers her face with her hand and her voice is barely audible as she continues. "I want so badly to hate you, Eric, but it's just not possible. I love you, more than anything. And if—if you want... to fix this... to be with me..."

"I do." She hears his sigh and feels his fingers on her face. He turns her head so she's facing him. "Look, you were the reason I left but not like that. I wanted to give you everything you wanted. I wanted you to have the life you wanted. Teachers... they're everywhere, aren't they? I could get a job no matter where you wanted to go. I would never have to be without you, and you wouldn't have to give up your dreams. I didn't _want_ to go so far away, but I didn't see any other options.

"When I left, I thought we'd just stay in contact and I'd come back and we'd go to college like planned. And I broke up with you...because I didn't want you to wait for me. I didn't want you to feel tied down. I thought you could start your life, and if I didn't have a place in it when I came back... Well, I would have died, but if that's what you wanted..."

His voice breaks. "Donna, it was my fault with the promise ring. I shouldn't have tried to push you. But that doesn't mean anything anymore. And I'm sorry that I walked out on our wedding. I couldn't let you settle for Point Place when you could anything you wanted. Not for me."

"You don't get it. I could be the first female president or a CEO or a famous author and you know what? It wouldn't mean a single thing without you."

"That's why I left. So we could both have what we wanted."

Silence again. She feels a little better but she's far from relieved.

"And Donna?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Relief. That's just what she needed. She breaks down in tears and feels his arms wrap tightly around her.

It feels like hours before she stops crying. Calmer, she pulls away from him and wipes her tears away. "I hate myself for needing you as badly as I do."

"I hate myself for hurting you as badly as I did."

They stare into each other's eyes for a few moments before a sheepish grin rises on his face. "I have a confession to make. I stole some papers you wrote on fear. I wouldn't have gathered the courage to talk to you. I didn't want you to go back without you knowing that I want nothing more than to be with you."

"You still didn't gather the courage to talk to me until I talked."

He grins. "Yeah, well. I would have said something eventually." The grin fades some. "I couldn't let you leave with things like this."

"I'm glad."

She gives him a huge kiss.

It's both amazing and frightening how easily passion sweeps them. Within seconds they are pressed against each other in desperation, trying to get as close as possible.

It's completely different from a few days ago. Their love making is just that, soft and sweet and tender, and when it's over, she lays her head on his chest in the back of the car, and he smiles down at her.

"I wish you didn't have to go."

"I'll be back next weekend."

"I know, but it's just not the same."

"Well, I can't live in Point Place."

"I don't know. Maybe you could."

She lifts herself up some. "It's a three hour drive."

"Well, when is your first class?"

She laughs disbelievingly. "You're serious?"

"Yeah. When?"

"Ten."

"I can do that."

"_You?_"

"I could drive you every morning and either stay there or come back and pick you up..."

She laughs again and sits up, burying her face in her hands. "I can't believe you're actually suggesting this. Eric, it's a _three hour drive_. We'd have to get up at six-thirty to get ready. I'd be tired in class."

"You could sleep on the ride over," he suggests as he sits up too. His face falls slightly. "Yeah, you're right. It'd be too hard."

"I'll be back on weekends," she soothes. "It's been like that for the last two months."

"Yeah but it was just sex for the last two months. I could find that anywhere."

The comment is off-hand, she knows, but she still can't stop the jealousy and hurt that immediately well up. She's never wanted anyone else to touch her, but she wonders if it's right to have expected the same from Eric. Sex has always been much more important to him than to her. Maybe it was wrong to assume, through their two breakups, that he had remained celibate. Instantly, she's miserable and annoyed, wondering who else touched her Eric.

It must show on her face, because he's frowning thoughtfully. "What's wrong?" His expression changes. "I stuck my foot in my mouth again, didn't I? I didn't mean that... I've never... You're the only one I've ever been with, Donna. Besides, it's never been just sex with us."

"Really?"

-:-:-

He hates that her voice is so small and hopeful, a tone he's never heard from her. And he hates that it's his fault. How did she go from so strong to so scared? "Really." He gives her a kiss. "You're the only one I've ever wanted to be with." There's a brief pause while he gathers some courage. "Have you ever..."

"No."

"Not with Casey Kelso? Or that guy Hyde hired?"

"No."

"Seriously?" He finds that hard to believe. He didn't know Randy but he knew Casey Kelso had been around the block before, and seduction was his game. Girls just fell at his feet.

"I tried to, but it felt weird. They'd get to second base, and I'd just feel dirty and not in a good way."

He laughs quietly and happily. "What makes you feel dirty in a good way?"

"All the things you do to me."

It's a long time before they pull apart again, sated and flushed. Both are wearing big smiles as they regretfully tug their clothes back on.

"What time is it?"

Eric squints at his watch as he turns the key in the ignition. It's too dark to read it, but he does some quick calculating. "It's got to be past eleven." He glances at the clock on the car. 11:23. "I'm getting hungry."

"I think there's a diner up a little ways that's open twenty four seven."

-::-::-

They gorge on pancakes and hot chocolate, and when they're getting ready to leave, he begins to stall, not at all eager to part with her now that they've made up.

She laughs and stands. "I need to go back eventually, Eric."

He follows her out, feeling a little forlorn. "I know."

They settle into the car and he takes his time.

"Eric."

"Oh, fine." He pulls out of the parking lot and back onto the highway.

"Okay. How about this? I only have one class tomorrow—the professor cancelled my second because he wanted an extra day off. So why don't you come around... one? We'll go out to lunch."

"What about the rest of the week?"

"We'll work something out." She laughs quietly. "I can't believe you're so desperate that you're willing to drive three hours just to see me."

"I am not desperate! I just really want to spend as much time as possible with you. I just... I _need_ you, Donna."

There's no response for the longest time, but when she finally speaks, it's a soft whisper, "I need you too, Eric."

* * *

Author's Note: Congratulations! You made it to the end. That's farther than I made it. I think I gave up at this point. Can't you tell? You know what I just realised? I'm starting to believe Point Place is real. I've been watching way too much of this show. Anyway, drop me a line. Please and thank you! (Feel free to tell me this story's utter crap—I know it). I'll (hopefully) update Dirty Surprise in a few days. Peace out.


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